


Fine Line

by tellyouwhatilike



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, Angst, Bad at communicating, Feelings, Happy, Jealous Calum, Sad, Secret Relationship, Tour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:40:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24255256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellyouwhatilike/pseuds/tellyouwhatilike
Summary: calum wishes it wasn't so easy to forgive and forget with him. he wants ashton to feel bad, to finally feel bad about something and suffer a consequence. but, he's worried he no longer has the power to hold him accountable.
Relationships: Bryana Holly/Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Kudos: 12





	Fine Line

calum turns twenty-two on a friday. mitchy throws him a party because they all love an excuse to celebrate and get drunk. the two come back from dinner to a full house. michael and luke are tucked away in the corner, sporting big smiles and calum tries not to panic over where ashton is. there are in fact a lot of people and he’s sure he’s off socializing somewhere like the social butterfly he is. 

“happy birthday, man,” mitchy lifts up his beer for a cheers and calum pulls him in for a hug. “thanks, man, i love you,” he says before taking a sip of his beer. “calum!” there’s a voice coming from behind him and he turns around to see jack barakat. he laughs because he can tell he’s already hammered, and his cheeks are rosy enough to give that away. “hey man, thanks for coming,” calum smiles as jack just nods his head. “don’t miss an opportunity to party and definitely don’t miss the chance to celebrate you, you sexy piece of—” before he can finish, calum watches ashton appear from the hallway and his attention slips. jack just pulls him in for a hug and calum tries his best to be attentive, “thanks dude, I’ll find you for a shot in a bit.” 

calum snakes through a few people, offering a ‘thank you’ here and there. he tries his best to keep his eyes trained on ashton, who’s sure to crowd-jump more than anyone here. he finally gets out of the sea of people and lets out a sigh of relief. when he finds the head of curly hair again, his heart stops. he’s not alone, bryana is standing next to him and the two are talking. he’s not drunk enough, he realizes, because this hurts a lot more than it should, especially on his birthday. before he can escape, ashton spots him and quickly calls him over. 

“happy birthday, cal,” ashton says and calum just nods his head and forces a smile. “yeah, happy birthday, calum” bryana repeats and calum is at a loss for words. he has no real idea why she’s here anyways. why mitchy would think this is a good idea. and if her presence isn’t puzzling enough, the sight of both her and ashton cuddled up on a couch is enough to make calum feel completely lost in his own home. 

“yeah, thanks guys, I actually need something stronger, I’ll catch up with you later,” he manages to get out before turning on his heel and heading to the kitchen. he hears a few people call his name but just ignores it. the only thing he can think about is finding tequila, fireball, anything to make him feel a little better. luke is in the kitchen, carrying around a trash bag and putting empty cups away. “really?” calum laughs, placing his empty beer bottle near the sink. “okay, really?” luke gestures towards the bottle.

“why are you cleaning, anyways?” calum asks, finding a bottle of jose cuervo in the fridge and pouring some in a glass. “why are you drinking straight tequila?” fair, calum thinks. 

“are you having fun?” luke asks, dropping the bag near the backdoor. “yeah, yeah, this is great, thanks for coming,” luke just laughs because he’s always been able to read right through calum. not that he’s ever been anything but transparent, but luke can always tell when he’s lying. “I told him not to,” luke says. calum raises an eyebrow, “told who not to what?” he’s half-playing stupid and half confused as to what luke is talking about. if it is what he thinks, then, calum is about to feel ten-times shittier than he did just by seeing her. 

“look, I know you and ashton have this weird thing going on,” luke stumbles over his words, “and I don’t want you to feel like you need to tell me anything you’re not ready to. but, ashton is reckless with people’s feeling sometimes, he feels the need to be such a good guy that he never considers how that might make other people feel.” calum just sips on tequila as luke talks because the process of getting drunk feels a lot better than picking through luke’s words. he’s not wrong, calum knows that, ashton loves everybody that he meets, he’s always been too nice for his own good and as much as calum loves that, it can suck, sometimes. but he doesn’t like to think that ashton doesn’t consider calum’s feelings and he grows annoyed at the prospect of that not being true. 

“look, can we talk about something else?” calum asks, “I appreciate you checking in but I’m fine, I don’t care if they’re fucking or whatever,” he says and begins to realize that he’s getting drunker than he thought. the door opens and calum watches ashton walk in and look between the two. “am I interrupting something?” the older boy asks and calum just shrugs, “not really,” he finishes his glass and pours another. luke watches and sends him a look that he’s seen before, but he chooses to ignore it. afterall, it is his birthday. 

calum finds michael, because he won’t pry, he knows better. they do a few shots and after that, calum feels somewhat invincible and greets all the guests he ignored while spending the first hour brooding. he watches bryana on her phone in the corner, she looks lost and calum assumes it’s because ashton isn’t by her side, keeping her company. he doesn’t feel bad though, she did decide to come and knows that she’s not exactly a fan favorite.

people start leaving around 2 and mitchy gets an uber to another club, “love you, buddy,” he slurs and calum just pushes him out the door because he’s rather excited to be alone and play loud music. well, luke is still here, probably because he’s worried that calum will do something stupid. he swears on his life that he’s fine, just drunk and tired. 

“I’m going to go,” luke finally says after a few long minutes of convincing and calum smiles, “good, love you, lu,” he says before falling back on the couch and finishing his drink. the music plays softly, and he shuts his eyes because he’s drunk enough that everything starts to spin once he’s laid down. he’s too out of it to hear someone else in the room and when he opens his eyes and sees ashton sitting across the room, he freaks out. “jesus fuck,” calum sits up, rubbing his eyes and regaining his balance, “you can’t just sneak in like that, what the fuck are you doing here? party’s over,” it’s a bit hostile, even for him and ashton can tell. 

“I just wanted to see you,” ashton says and calum can’t help but laugh. “did you invite bryana tonight?” he asks, getting up to grab a bottle of vodka he sees on a table. “don’t you think you’ve had enough?” calum shakes his head, “you didn’t answer my question,” he tests. ashton just shrugs his shoulders, “we should talk about this when you’re sober,” he replies but, it’s not good enough for calum. “do you care about how I feel?” he asks, thinking back to what luke had said earlier. “what?” ashton says, a shocked look takes over his face. “why would you say that?” calum isn’t sure. so, he stays quiet and takes a pull from the bottle, he’s guaranteed to wake up with an awful headache and blurry memory but right now, he doesn’t care. he can’t image sitting with ashton like this sober. 

they don’t say anything for a while. ashton just sits there and calum finishes the bottle and lays down. he wants to cry really because he hates the thought of ashton with someone else, let alone, his ex-girlfriend. he can’t cry, though, because ashton will see and he hates giving him that power. so, he closes his eyes and tries to think of anything else. like, how he’s one year older, but, that stuff has never really phased him. he considers turning the TV on, a show to take up the empty space between them. but, even then, he’s worried ashton will take advantage of it and stay longer. 

“you know,” ashton finally speaks up. “I’m not sleeping with her,” like that’s supposed to make it better, calum thinks. but he does suppose that that’s good to know. “it’s complicated, cal. and I’m sorry to bring her tonight, I just, I don’t know how to act around her, and I can’t lie, especially when she knows all of our friends already. she asked what I was doing tonight, and I-I panicked,” ashton admits. calum isn’t sure what to say or think. he’s more concerned with why they talk in the first place, calum assumes he’s been in the dark on purpose and grows anxious with the thought of them having secrets. “you know, I love you, right?” ashton says and it’s normal really because he says it to everyone and calum does, too. but, with ashton, it’s different, calum fears that he really is in love with him and he’s worried that ashton might not feel the same way. “yeah, yeah, I know,” he doesn’t say it back out of pure spite and he watches as ashton looks down to the ground in the way that he does when he’s thinking hard about something. 

“whatever,” calum sighs, he starts to feel a headache and considers going to bed. “you can stay here tonight, if you want, or whatever.” calum doesn’t know why he says that, why it’s so easy to forgive and forget with him. he wants ashton to feel bad, to finally feel bad about something and suffer a consequence. but he fears he doesn’t have that power anymore, calum is no longer in a position to fend off ashton’s apology and hold him accountable. “yeah, sure. I would like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> damn, I've been writing fic for like 5 years and never had the balls to post it. thought I would give this a try. honestly, it's important to note that I write using these characters because I appreciate them in real life, a lot. I love to write and honestly just use them as characters in my writing because I feel more of a personal draw to them. this is pure fiction, none of these events are real and neither are their relationships! I hope you can enjoy my writing as a product of the writing itself, not necessarily the relationships. if you like this, please lmk, as I have more of this that I want to post but only if there's an audience!


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